if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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