my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize