you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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