Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
