10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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