also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
