Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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