drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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