people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I have fence marks all over my body
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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