he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
