just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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