My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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