My hand turned me down
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
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