I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize