This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
