She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
