I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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