Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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