Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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