I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
