apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Randomize
