if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize