he fucked my hip out of place.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
