So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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