dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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