Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize