I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
