This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
