Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Mom said you looked used
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
