Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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