I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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