I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
