I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
