I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Randomize
