i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
