1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
