How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
