Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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