I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize