Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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