but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
