I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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