I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
