My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
