you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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