The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
