That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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