my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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