I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
