is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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