sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
