Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Are my feet made of real feet?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
