My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Randomize
