Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
