And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
