I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
