I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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