So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
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