He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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