Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
If I die, sorry about rent.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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