Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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