If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
